When I walk into the clinic, I see God.
Every time I walk into the clinic, I see God. As a Catholic abortion doula, I spend my Saturday mornings with patients before, during, and after their procedures. My role is to be present for these patients and provide the comfort, support, or distraction they need. I hear their concerns, their hopes, their questions. We hold hands. Sometimes, we pray together.
In today’s Gospel, Joseph made the decision to accompany Mary—a decision he didn’t make lightly or quickly—and guide her through her pregnancy and delivery. My role as an abortion doula is also one of accompaniment. When I’m with patients, I feel the Holy Spirit guiding me, filling our conversations with grace and understanding. I see Jesus, the healer, rubbing the backs of patients suffering from cramps and nausea. I think of Mother Mary, who gave birth to Jesus in a manger, and how I hope there was someone there to answer her questions. I think of Joseph, holding her hand and praying beside her. This is why, in my eyes, I am an abortion doula because I’m Catholic — not in spite of it.
I’m not alone in this belief. Most abortion doulas I know were raised Catholic, and most are still practicing today. It’s among these doulas I’ve found the justice-based Catholic community I’ve been searching for. When I’m with my Catholic doulas, I feel the same peace I feel in the pews.
Together, we help each other heal from our faith being weaponized against us and the patients we support. We help each other heal from the strangers who use the same rosary I keep in my pocket during shifts as a vessel for hate, waving it in the air and screaming at patients entering the clinic to receive care. Whenever one of us has a particularly tough day at the clinic, we know the others are just a text or call away. And I know that we’re praying for each other every Saturday.
Faith can’t be measured, and it shouldn’t be compared, but I do wonder if these anti-choice protestors see God on those sidewalks in the way I see God in the clinic. I’m not sure they do. I can’t envision Jesus running to a car door and shouting to those inside that they’re going to Hell. Instead, I envision Jesus at the coffee shop with my fellow doulas and me, reflecting on how we can make each patient's day a little bit easier.
Emily Harrison is a member of CTA's Vision Council and development and personnel committees. A longtime reproductive care worker and abortion doula, Emily currently serves as the digital media and marketing manager of Catholics for Choice.
